Evolution
by girl.of.horror
Summary: unohana....byakuya....zaraki...the strange origins of their trademarks...
1. Chapter 1

Just an idea that struck me while I was on my bed the other night. I just hope no one has posted any story of this kind yet…if someone has, kindly tell me who and they title of the story so I can check it out.

This is sort of like a parody of some sort.

Kind of long…but, well, here it goes…

Thanks.

**Evolution**

**I. Unohana Retsu's Hair**

Everyone wondered why her hair was done that way, being braided in the front. Oh well, she thought as she sipped on her cup of tea. Everyone was fooled by how she looked, so calm, and so much so when they knew she was captain of the fourth division. The weakest division, humph, she snorted into her cup, let's see who will be weak when she sets a schedule on their treating time. If only Yamamoto Sou-taichou would permit her. That old man, probably because he was prone to coming in at inconvenient times to be treated and by her, no less.

That old man.

So why does she keep her hair that way?

Her hair wasn't done that way since the start of time. Oh no, in fact her hair was one of the finest in soul society. Long, black, and shining, complimenting her oval-shaped face. But it kept getting in the way of her movements. When she would be taking out her zanpakutou, when she takes a bath (it's so hard to maintain by the way), when she was running after some hollow.

In her first year in the fourth division, she had decided to braid it, not in her front, mind you, but a long flowing braid at her back. Still, it kept getting in the way. One day, she had an amazing idea. Why not braid it at her front? So she did.

"Wow, Unohana-san, your hair...it's so…it's so unique."

Was that an insult or a compliment?

"Your hair…?"

"Why ever did you do that to your hair?"

"Unohana-san…are you…are you alright?"

She sighed. The best comment she got for her hair?

"It…matches you. I guess."

**II. Byakuya Kuchiki's kenseikan**

Wearing kenseikan was not at all required for a noble to wear. On special occasions, and other such important happenings was it worn. Only him, as the twenty-eighth generation of the famous noble Kuchiki family wore it almost everyday. He thought it makes one look distinguished and esteemed. Hisana has once remarked on it, "You look distinguished and esteemed already, especially if you keep that look on your face. Were you born with that expression? Anyways, those kenseikan look like hair cur---"

He knew just how to stop her from saying anything degrading to him. He smiled bitersweetly at that memory.

Ah. The kenseikan?

Well, he remembered when he first saw it. He was a kid back then, very impressionable, and he saw his father wear it. He thought how he looked up to him and he was thinking, _some day, some day, it will then be my turn to wear it. Then I will look as esteemed, distinguished and respectable as my father. Some day, some day._

He was indeed very impressionable.

He doesn't remember the occasion, but ever since then, his mind hasn't strayed far from that kenseikan. It was as elusive as his bankai back in those days. But he got his kenseikan first before his bankai.

He passed by a mirror and saw his reflection. Stopping for a moment to think how distinguished he looked.

**III. Kenpachi Zaraki's hair **

It was the first time he ever heard of something called 'gel'. It was to be placed on your hair. He remembered that day as fresh as if it was yesterday. It was the first day he became captain of the eleventh division, too.

Yachiru was playing with some of the old captain's things when she shrieked, "Ken-chan! Ken-chan!"

He had turned to the kid and saw her hands dripping with that gooey thing.

"What's that?"

"I dunno. But it feels cold, see?"

And she raised her hands, causing some of it to drop on top of her head.

A few minutes later.

"Ken-chan, my hair feels hard." She whined, now and then poking the top of her head with one little hand.

He went over to her, he was also inspecting some of the old captain's things to see whether some of them could still be useful or not, and placed a large hand on her head. It felt as if her hair had been glued.

"Hmmm."

He was thinking.

"Yachiru, where'd you get it?"

He fished out a couple of containers and dipped his hand into it. It was squishy. He combed his hands through his hair and saw his reflection in the mirror. His hair looked wet.

Yachiru, who had by that time, climbed into a high enough cabinet, started playing with his hair. Piling it on top of his head then forming them into long spikes. He was…liking it.

"Taichou?" a soft voice spoke from the door.

"Hn?" he grunted.

The door opened and he faced it. The young shinigami looked appalled, afraid, shocked, surprised and whatever you can associate all of those words with all at once.

That was the minute he decided to keep this hairstyle.

Of course, that was the day before he found those little bells.

* * *

Well, what do you think? 

Were they in character or were they oc?

Please tell me. And don't forget to review!

Review!


	2. Chapter 2

**Evolution**

**Disclaimer: The contents of this fic are the result of crack, i.e. Kubo Tite's Bleach and double dutch ice cream topped with chocolate syrup (and now I got myself a headache) and strawberry wine.**

**IV. Renji's Tattoos**

The first tattoo he had had made was his eyebrows, to signify that he had won, Renji remembered surly, noting that it was years after he last got a tattoo. Past were the days when he worried about not getting enough space in his body to place all those tattoos he planned on getting.

He sighed.

And sighed again as an image of himself with a big LOSER stamped on his forehead appeared for an instant.

Wait, no. He _is_ a fukutaichou, goddammit. He is not that big of a loser.

When he got his first tattoo, namely his eyebrows, he wasn't concerned over having to shave it all off. He even admired how more mature he looked. And he definitely wasn't expecting some of his classmates at the academy to be freaked out.

What was wrong with trying to look more manly that the academy teachers?

He had asked out loud, which earned him absences on several classes even though he was present with the teachers' excuse that they thought he was a new student and he had to prove it to them he was really Abarai Renji.

It made him promise himself to have more tattoos to signify his achievements. After many achievements, and many tattoos, no one has still figured out why he had them.

What really had him almost regretting about it however was one person's reaction.

"What crack are you on, Renji?" This was from Rukia. She sounded too incredulous, but at least she didn't ask him who he was.

It almost had him changing his mind. Almost. After his shaved eyebrows didn't all grow back.

**V. Rangiku-san's Boobs**

"My boobs? Why are you asking me about my boobs? They're natural, there's nothing to talk about."

Everyone thought that the only reason she wore her shihakushou that way was because she was proud of having one of the biggest chests in SS history.

Of course, some thought that the reason could either be or all be…

…what was stated above

…her uniform wouldn't fit

…no one asked her the reason that's why everyone kept on speculating.

For her, she thought that everyone understood why. Especially Hitsugaya-taichou.

Thing was, it wasn't her uniform that was the problem. Nor her breasts. It was the heat, the oppressing heat that was always worst at her chest are. Have you ever tried wearing the uniform on a very hot noon and its color was black, which made it worse?

On her first day in the Shinigami Academy, she experienced how it was. Sweat dripping down in rivulets between the valley of her breasts. Right then and there, in class, she opened it a bit, and then a little bit, then a little bit more, until it was as wide as she got accustomed to. Ah, the comfort of a breeze, caressing her chest and cooling down the heat.

The teachers were scandalized and her reflex, that is, hitting perverted men on the face with a fist, was better practiced for a few days until they learned better. The teachers never had the chance to kick her out of the school. She was simply not going against any school rules.

So Rangiku-san went blithely unaware of the distress she often caused on men.

And that was the reason why her boobs were always ready to leap out of her uniform.

**VI. Shunsui Loves Pink**

Pink is for real men, is the motto he had lived on when he first discovered it was true.

Secretly, in his eyes, he considered Byakuya to be the manliest captain in Soul Society next to himself. But his senbonzakura wasn't enough to beat his pink coat. Whole flowers were even better than petals and these were proudly printed on the aforementioned coat was it not? He was sure too that Nanao liked pink on him. That's why she needed the glasses, so she would not be dazed by his manliness into a swoon.

And of course, she likes his kisses (it never actually happens, she always managed to hit him with her book) she's just too modest and too stuck-up with the unwritten rule that vice-captains don't have to like their respective taichous. Whatever.

Pink works wonders. It makes him look manlier. (So he would like to think, most think it makes him look ridiculously lesser.) And Nanao likes it. (No, she does not.) And it made Byakuya one of the hottest eligible bachelors in Soul Society. As he was.

* * *

Yeah, so, that's that. I know its not much, but give me some credit!!!

Onegai, review!!! (or else, you are an aho)


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